Come Home Running

What happened to our blog :( haha.

I just wanted to tell you all how blessed my last two days were. Dang freaking blew me away, seriously. On wednesday, i went UCSD! woop! anyway, i went because the india teams 2k6, 2k7, 2k8 and 2k9 from SD were meeting all up, so i hopped on a train and went. during the time of fellowship we had at cafe india, all the sd people in our team and i tried nan (soo good!), chai tea and curry. other than the food, the experiences people like sheldon and leo shared were hilarious! "uncle, more beads...uncle!" haha oh gosh. it was funnnnny. anyway, i was blessed to have such an awesome time in fellowship with my brothers and sister (eugenia) haha. after, i stayed up till 2 am helping RAKSTAR with his art project. it was a really good time just sharing our testimonies and other stuff. On thursday, i went to UCLA kcm with albert. praise was awesome but what was more awesome was the sermon by pastor richard. i learned that so many times we do "works" to get acceptance from others around us, but God being the creator of this whole world, a thing we do is nothing compared to his greatness. yet, he still shines down on us and accepts us. another thing that was soo convicting was when pastor richard asked... after you do this sin like cuss someone out or other deeper sins, can you, five minutes later, praise God or read the bible or pray? and my response was heck no. haha but later he revealed that, no matter what we do, God will always take us in. he made an analogy that God is like the prodigal son's father. God waits for us to come back home running to him. from this sermon, i was just so blessed, praise God.



i hope all of you guys are doing well, india team! sunday is almost near and UCLA cafe night is tomorrow!! i will see most of you guys there :) have a great day and dont forget to pray for our team, our leader--pastor john, the missionaries in india, the lost, and etc. love you all :)



STEVE--

I <3 INDIA TEAM!

I Can't Think Of A Cool Title For This Post

Hey guys, I added my own account to the blog, it's just easier for me to post, and also you can finally see who writes what. Especially when people forget to sign off their names at the end of the post.

you can do it too by going under dashboard - settings - permissions and add your email to add Authors. (but this would require you to have an actual blogger account, so if you don't then don't do it, and just stick with 2k9india but remember to write yo name at the end!!!)

GREETINGS!

It's encouraging to see people write in here, even the blog haters, cough-Edward-cough

Why the heck am I up this early? I should totally be sleeping, getting my beauty sleep on, and not studying for finals, right? HAHA jk....

My mother forgot that I ended classes last Thursday, and she decides to wake me up at 5am to get ready for school (because I had a 7am class this semester... death) I tell her that it's finals week so I don't have classes anymore. Even after 4 years of college, she still doesn't understand the American university system... so I finally wake up and we argue for a good 30 minutes, but of course all arguments with Korean mothers never stay in the subject of "I have no more classes anymore"

It goes onto -

you should be up at this hour, what are you going to do when you get into the real working world?

E - uh mother, I have a steady job that I intend on keeping for a good 2-3 years

Why!? that's not a real job! Don't you want to work at a top design firm, getting your moneys worth of your degree?

E - uh but I am getting that amount, at my job, that I have, right NOW

No.

?!

Now, what is the actual core of the argument?

Meet, my mother, the hater of KCM.

My mother and I have what you call the epitome of a love/hate relationship. Notice, that I call her mother. Yep. I've been calling her that ever since ... 7th grade?

so on the weekends, I never go home. I leave for KCM Thursday night, and I don't come home until late Sunday morning after training. This pretty much pisses my mother off like no other. It's just hard transitioning from having a college-night-life when you had your own apartment for about 3 years, and the final year you move back home. 

so like I said, my mother is actually really against KCM. Not because she isn't Christian, not because she is against missions, but she thinks it sucks up my life and I'm too indulged in the social aspects of it. She never sees the good fruit bearing of how much KCM has impacted my faith and walk with God. She just sees the late hours and $$$ spent wasted "fellowshipping"...

Sometimes I wonder, how do you differentiate a trial from God vs a temptation from Satan. 

It's so amazing how much can change in the split of a second. Last night was awesome! It was so encouraging to see everyone come really support missions, also supporting each other! Wasn't the food last night freaking BOMB?! Hopefully you guys got a taste, because dang. it was pretty awesome. HAHAH

but I digress. So a night full of blessing, encouragement, and awesome fellowship, and the morning right after, I am awoken to a loud obnoxious noise of my mother's voice.

Is this God challenging me showing me the reality of my life, that it's not always rainbows and butterflies, but that I must love Him, and trust in Him, through the good times AND the bad

or is it Satan distracting my heart with these lies of "you think you're life is awesome? see this part of your life? it's crap"

I can go on and on with the differences that her and I have, but perhaps another time.

I just needed to release it somewhere, this annoyance, grudge, and bitterness I have in my heart right now. It is not the mentality that I want to be in right before finals...

I hope you didn't get lost in the jumble of my words. I was never very articulate... that's why I'm an ART major :) MAHA....

Okay have a good week everyone!

"I Am My Father's Child"

I'm going to be very vulnerable with you all. There are only 3 people in my life that know this, but God is convicting me to tell you, strangers, for the most part.. I don't know why, but He's pushing me to share with you guys.

Context:

I'm going through a lot right now. Just to name a few: post traumatic stress from a horrible relationship (depression/suicide involved), family economic problems, possibility of not graduating, my own state of loneliness/depression, etc.. All of this has created a very big burden, a load which I cannot even carry myself. I constantly find myself just lying on my bed bawling and wrestling with God as to why I'm going through this.

The Vision: (listening to "Sacred Grounds"- Jon Schmidt)

The song starts off with the sounds of nature and gentle piano composition..

There is a place where I am standing before God. It is only God and myself in a vast plain of absolutely nothing. Nothing else is important, nothing else is necessary. As I look at myself before God, I am neither happy nor excited. With both fists clenched, one by my side, and one raised to God, I am shouting and screaming and yelling. Although I cannot hear what is being said, I already know from the expression. I am pleading and yelling, "Why God?! Why did You put me through this?! Was it worth it?! All this pain and suffering I went through? WHY GOD!?!" I was furious and demanded an answer because it was not making sense. 

During this I kept telling myself, "Didn't I do everything that God asked me? From fleeing from my fleshly desires of a worldly relationship to being obedient and faithful once again to go on summer missions when I promised myself that I would not? I gave up my future which I had planned without God to make my life a God-centered life/future. yet nothing was changing for the better. Why am I only getting worse and the burden heavier?" 

The piano becomes a bit louder..

With all my hurt and pain I pause to just soak in this anger and confusion. With a broken heart I let out a sigh that expresses my feeling of helplessness. I see God lift His hand. Before me is a view of my entire life. I cannot see the whole thing but I know it is the story of my entire life from birth to death.

The piano gets to its loudest..

He points to a specific moment in that view of my life, and although it was not revealed to me in this vision, I know exactly what God is pointing at; the one moment in my life when everything I was going through and am going through right now was used for a specific purpose in God's perfect plan. He was showing me what all of this pain, all of these trials led to. He pointed as to say, "This, my child, don't you see, is why you needed to endure." 

I fall to my knees. I drop my head in complete shame. Tears are falling down my face and I am totally broken. I am crying out to God, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry God! Please, forgive me Father. I'm so sorry!"

The piano gets soft again and gentle..

I am on my knees with my face to the ground crying out to God. I take a deep breath. I wipe away my tears with my forearm. As I am just kneeling there before God in total shame, I feel warmth. I feel a touch. I open my eyes and I see God's arms wrapped around me. Then God says, "I have never left you, my child." 

The song concludes with sounds of nature.. 

I am with my Father who has never left me, but instead carried me through EVERYTHING. I am in my Father's arms who even though I could not understand, knew exactly what He was doing. I am loved by my Father whose will and plan is PERFECT and GOOD. 

I am my Father's Child...

-Edward Kim

Power of PRAYER

This past week was truly one of the most stressful and busiest weeks I've had in a really long time.
With 4 midterms in my hands, I was more determined than discouraged to ace all of them. I had my mind set on being a social hermit for the week and to only focus on my studies. Studying for the first 2 midterms were a breeze, but the last 2 were a real struggle. The more I tried and sacrificed my nights to study, the more I felt unprepared and not ready.
It was then that I decided to pray. I asked God to help me be prepared to the best of my ability and to provide the rest of my shortcomings with His knowledge and wisdom.

This prayer may not have seemed like much, but God listens and answers! (I found out the next day during class, that my midterm got pushed to next week!)
Whether its something big or small, just a simple prayer can change so much!
So I encourage everyone, to PRAY!
Ask God to provide you with an earnest heart of prayer, cause prayer is our sword, shield, and answer to all things.

I also wanted to share with you guys, a prayer by Richard Foster, that my dear friend, Frank La, sent to me. He encouraged me to start off my mornings with this prayer, and I therefore encourage you guys to also start off your day with this prayer..or by ANY prayer =)

Today, o Lord, I yield myself to you.

May your will be my delight today.

May your way have perfect sway in me.

May your love be the pattern of my living.

I surrender to you

My hopes

My dreams

My ambitions.

Do with me what you will, when you will, as you will.

I place into your loving care

My family

My friends,

My future.

Care for them with a care that I can never give.

I release into your hands

My need to control,

My craving for status,

My fear of obscurity.

Eradicate the evil, purify the good, and establish your kingdom in my life.

For Jesus’ Sake,

Amen.

-Sharon

God's got the whole world in His hands

this week, i have been really really struggling and stressing out about life in general.

what i'm going to do next year: what activities, what classes, if i'm going to graduate next year...

all these things were taking over my mind, up to the point where i just wanted to cry and give up.

as an encouragement, my friend sent me this:

"I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome
I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities

I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. 
Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.

I received nothing I wanted but I received everything I needed."

 

it was just a reminder that God puts us in situations that aren't initially expected from us.

but it's not our plan that we are supposed to follow, it's His.

i just had to step back and realize that my life is in His hands and not mine. i can't control the world and my life when God has something else in store for me. He put me in this spot so that I can turn to Him and depend on Him to guide my life. 

as hard as it may be for me to realize, i know that God has a purpose for everything. So if you guys are struggling with this as well, just remember that everything truly does happen for a reason and God knows what He's doing. trust that He holds you in His hands and takes care of you every step of the way :)

also, as i was doing QTs today, i opened my journal and found an old chocolate wrapper that i taped in my journal that read "count your blessings, not your worries".

remember to be thankful and appreciate what God has blessed you with instead of the bad things in life :)

Unfailing Grace

"Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table"
Matthew 15:27

man...as i read this today morning it reminded me of God's UNFAILING grace...
we don't even deserve the crumbs...yet He gave us more...
He gave us Jesus Christ, the Bread of Life.

"How sweet the stream of unfailing grace that sanctifies my soul...."
Enfield - Unfailing Grace

If you guys have the chance, listen to this song.
I really love the lyrics.

- David